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As an adult with ADHD, it is very easy to focus on your weaknesses and areas “to be worked on.” So much thought can be given to these areas that it’s easy to forget about your talents. Many adults with ADHD are humble to a fault and dismiss their talents because they come so easily. Naturally, they don’t feel they can be proud of these traits, or that they aren’t valuable. Nothing could be further from the truth. When you notice what you are good at, you can spend more time utilizing your strengths and less time worrying about your weaknesses.

Hyperfocus- When something captures your attention, you can focus on it for hours. The ability to mentally tune out distractions and become so focused means you can get a lot done, as well as have a huge sense of satisfaction afterwards. This is similar to what Czech Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls “Flow.” Time disappears and your actions flow from you.

Have: On a third piece of paper, again not allowing any doubts, limitations or judgments to interfere here, write down all that you want to “Have.” It’s not important to figure out how you’ll do it. You’re creating a Big Dream Vision here.

A good friend of my instructor Walt Bone was Mike Anderson, an eccentric genius. Mike used to tell me all the time, “John, you’re a great teacher. You should open a school and make a lot of money.” As flattered as I was, I knew nothing about making money. I was sure I would embarrass myself trying to operate a business.

As my competence in the martial arts improved, my confidence in many areas of life improved. I knew if I could learn to jump over two people and break three boards with a flying sidekick, certainly I could learn to drive a car. Competence led to confidence.

Researchers at the University of Michigan found a process called executive control, which the brain uses to switch between tasks but due to constant switching and loss of focus, the brain loses speed and accuracy to do the task.

Part of the problem in relationships is when one person can’t seem to control what their partner is learning, how they are growing or when they are learning what they are. People who are insecure don’t like change. They want to maintain the status-quo and that includes the attitudes, beliefs, feelings and behaviors of their partner. When both people are changing or becoming something or someone different, the other partner is challenged in some way. If forces them to adapt and grow or change in some way as well. But many of these people would like nothing better for their partner not to change in any way so that they don’t have to change either.